Throwing in the towel

Ever have one of those days where you want to just throw in the towel?

Nov. 4th:
Horrible day.

I got on the bus in the morning and this guy who had talked to me mabye two weeks ago got on. I remembered him because he was the one that said he was a personal trainer but he liked women of my build, the husky kind. Sweet, huh? Well, I tried to make myself as small as possible so he wouldn't see me but no, he walked right up to me and sat behind me and started talking. I think he thought he was being pretty smooth and was completely clueless that I was annoyed with him. My short answers and refusal to give him my name signals he was completely unaware of. This time he tells me he's a lottery winner (who rides the bus?) and that he gets a check each month. I roll my eyes while he tries to remember our 'good' conversation we shared last time.

I get off the bus, ignoring his wave goodbye. I worked at petco and had to put the delivery of fish away. I didn't get done and I had told one of the managers this. Well, the other Manager stops me and acuses me of leaving with my job half done. I explain to him that I told someone. Whatever, he still seems upset but there is little I can do since I need to catch the bus.

The bus was late. So late taht I missed my first transfer which meant I'd be an hour late for work at the zoo. After taking a few new buses to attempt to get to my second transfer on time I'm trying to call people and see if they can give me a ride. No go. I get to my stop where I have to wait an hour. For that entire hour I'm getting honked at, people are slowing down to stare at me, and whistles are coming out when I think the horns in their cars don't work. Slowly I'm getting more and more upset. Almost close to tears I call mom and cry on her shoulder via the phone. Oh, did I mention I'm sick? Oh yes, been sick since Monday with something in my lungs that won't come out. I feel like there is fluid and a constant weight on my chest. Achy and feverish and I have to wait for the bus while getting harassed by damn horny males who think a girl like me LIKES that sort of attention.

This past weekend was halloween and I ended up NOT going out because they sold out on tickets so I volunteered to be the DD and dropped off my friends and had free use of the car while they partied. I took my happy self to the local bar and got hit on by men twice my age and had two beers.

Then I had a meeting with my landlord on Monday and he said I can't have my kitty come live with me.
Anyways, it got me thinking. I can't do this. I love my job I love the people I've met I like the place I'm living in but it doesn't seem to be working in my favor. I go as far as I can and am stopped because I can't drive myself where I need to be. Frustrating.

And I think my landlord has been coming into my house while I'm away at work. Just little things...you know that feeling where you feel like someone has been through your stuff?

I just feel like I'm not getting met half way. I'm doing everything right and I'm not getting anywhere! I talked to my boss about the idea of coming back to MI and getting a job there so I can save up for a car. But the jobs are so bad in MI I probably wouldn't get one even if I tried and that would eliminate me being able to get back here to MO.

My boss doesn't want me to leave and we talked it over for a while. She says there is a HUGE possibility of there being extra hours for the month of january and such and that she understands how it is to be working two jobs. I don't think she fully understands...because she's never had to ride the bus between two jobs. It's just maddening.

I refuse, however, to go home with "I Tried" tattooed on my soul and spirit. I just can't accept that. I don't want to, at least. I know I can make it here. I know it! I just wish it would be easier at times.

Oh well, perhaps santa will give me a car for christmas...