Friday, October 9, 2009

Babies and Old Men: Both require diaper changes and can't seem to resist me!

Edit: I got my names confused!! Sorry! That's what I get for making them up to protect their identities.

Most of you know of my ability to attract old men. In fact I hold true to the belief that if he hasn't been introduced to me then he'll probably either Hate me or Like me too much. Here is one story that sticks out from the others.

For sake of privacy I'll leave out any real names other than my own!

I'll entitle this story: Cowboy Busdriver

Where work, for a time, we had to work with a lot of bus drivers. I ended up working a bit closer with them because of the job I chose. I mainly did it because I felt it was a lower-stressed part of the job and I could get to know my co-worker better since we were the only ones out there for a time. Waiting for the bus drivers to park we'd talk a lot but once that bright yellow vehicle came roaring towards us we were all business!
Over the month or two you start to get to know the bus drivers, one in particular, made himself known to me. He even spoke to my co-worker (lets name him Hank) about me and when I'd returned after a lunch break Hank told me there was a bus driver asking about me. I didn't believe him at first. I didn't think I was really worth remembering, to be honest. I was just doing my job. After much convincing I asked where the bus was and he pointed me in the right direction.
Once I saw the bright white cowboy hat I smiled upon recognition. The most memorable and recognizeable bus driver (I will call him Ted)! Walking up to the bus I hollered up to him asking if it was him who'd asked to see me! It was. He and I talked, he had a horse and we talked about that. I freely admitted to knowing nothing about horses. He seemed like a sweet old guy. He actually told me about a job opening up as a bus aid. It would have benefits!

Long story short we exchanged numbers so he could keep me up to date about the job openings.

He called me every once in a while to chat. I chalked it up to lonely old man syndrom. I even talked to Hank about it and he told me the guy was harmless. You see, I'd already had some run-ins with older men liking me. But with the assurance of my friend backing me up I didn't see any problem continuing the friendship with the old guy.

Plus Ted was always telling me "You gotta be a friend to have a friend" so when he invited me to dinner I was a little worried but I told myself he was just a friend and that everything would be OK.

Can you guess where this went?

ON the way to the restaurant he told me how beautiful I was and that any guy my age who didn't return such feelings, for I'd told him about a crush I had, was stupid. He then proceeded to proposition himself to me. This is how the conversation went, as best as I can remember it:

Ted: You are a beautiful girl...
Me: (a little uncomfortable) Thank you.
Ted: And we're friends, right? I'd like to think we are.
Me: Of course! (I felt a little better now)
Ted: But, you are a beautiful lady and if you ever wanted to be more than friends, well, I have to tell you, I'd be open to it.

At this point my heart sunk to my stomach. Oh Hell.

I told him that I wasn't open to it

He expressed concern that he'd ruined our friendship because of what he'd said. I, wanting to go home, told him that we were still friends. Basically I said this because I wanted to make sure he woudln't leave me stranded. I had no idea where we were!

When he dropped me off he asked me if he could see me again. Safe in the knowledge that i was home safe I turned to him and we had a little talk:

Ted: I'd hate it if I ruined our friendship. You are a very beautiful young woman and...
Me: How old are you? (I had cut him off)
Ted: Well, I know I'm a bit older than you--
Me: Well, how old are you? You know how old I am.
Ted: I turned 70 this year, But--
Me: My grandpa is 70. You're old enough to be my grandpa. And that story you told me about driving to California in 58, all by yourself. My mom was born that year.
Ted: We are still friends, though. Right?
Me: Ted, I'm sorry, but the moment you thought we could be more than friends we could no longer be friends. Have a good night.

I hopped out of the truck and walked in the house, making sure to lock the door behind me.

70 years old. Gotta be a record or something.


Kimmy said...

Ugg, I'm sorry Amanda! That's no fun.

Sara Michele said...

Wow Amanda. I knew something was amiss when he started asking around about you, then out to're so trusting! Actually I don't blame you, because who would assume a 70 year old guy would be hitting on them?

I'm really glad you talked to him at the end of the night, that was well timed. And what a perfect way to say it. He put you in an awkward freaky situation, so you really had every right to be stern and put it in perspective for him! Haha.


Funnyyoushouldmentionthis said...

Lol, I laugh about it now but at the time I was so mad I was shaking. 70 freaking years old!!!
I didn't think for a second that he would proposition himself to me!